A Wink

I have always preferred meeting people face-to-face.

Zoom is convenient, of course. But there is something about sitting across from someone that tells you more than a profile ever could.

That is why I travel to New York about once a month, sometimes every other month.

I usually finish work in Los Angeles, catch an 11 p.m. flight, and arrive in New York around seven the next morning. When I come out of Penn Station toward 32nd Street, I am greeted by yellow cabs, hurried footsteps, and New Yorkers walking with coffee in one hand and somewhere important to be.

Before long, I find myself walking faster too.

And I think,

Ah. I’m in New York again.

After a night on the plane, I stop by a yoga studio on 25th Street. I stretch, take a class, shower, and try to shake off the flight.

Then I pick up my suitcase and head toward our office on 32nd Street, stopping along the way for my usual Americano, a banana, and an apple.

By the time I arrive, turn on my computer, and settle into my chair, my New York consultations begin.

Over four days, I usually meet around twelve people.

Sometimes a parent comes alone. Sometimes parents arrive with their son or daughter. Sometimes the person looking for marriage walks through the door by themselves.

Every meeting is different.

And every time, I am reminded why I still believe in meeting people in person.

There are things you simply cannot see on paper.

The way someone smiles when they talk about family.

The way they listen when another person is speaking.

The pause before answering a difficult question.

The confidence in their voice.

The hesitation.

The warmth.

And sometimes, beneath all the accomplishments and carefully written profiles, you catch a glimpse of the person they really are.

On one recent trip, my New York schedule was completely full when I received a message from the mother of one of my members.

She was visiting from Korea to see her son and told me she wanted to meet me.

“Ma’am, my schedule is completely booked this time,” I told her. “And your son is already seeing someone wonderful. You really don’t need to come all the way here.”

But she insisted.

“Just ten minutes.”

So she took a bus from New Jersey.

When she arrived and saw me, she reached for my hands and held them tightly.

“I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

Her son, she told me, could be very particular. There had even been moments when he had spoken sharply to me.

But she was grateful that I had continued to work with him, continued to understand him, and continued to encourage him when I saw potential in a match.

At first, he had not wanted to meet the woman I suggested.

I told him only this:

“Just meet her once.”

So he did.

And afterward, everything changed.

He told his mother how easy the conversation had been. How naturally they connected. How many interests they shared.

He liked her.

A lot.

His mother looked at me and said,

“I just wanted to see your face and thank you.”

When she finally left, I stood there watching her go.

For a moment, all the exhaustion from flying back and forth between Los Angeles and New York seemed to disappear.

That is one of the things this work gives back to me.

In New York, I meet many people who have built extraordinary lives.

Lawyers. Doctors. Finance professionals. Entrepreneurs.

People who have studied hard, worked hard, and spent years becoming successful in their fields.

And then, somewhere along the way, they look up and realize that life kept moving.

They were building careers.

They were meeting deadlines.

They were becoming accomplished.

But they were not meeting anyone.

Marriage kept getting pushed to later.

And later.

And later.

I once met with a member who had become very successful in his field.

At the end of our consultation, he smiled and said,

“I have to admit, you’re one step ahead of me. I learned something today.”

I laughed.

Then I asked him,

“Do you want to become even more successful in New York? Or do you want to get married and build a happy family?”

I paused.

“Of course, having both would be best.”

Then I told him,

“If success is what you want, then go all the way. Become so successful that everyone knows your name.

“But if marriage and family are important to you too, those things are not simply going to appear one day.

“You have to decide what kind of life you want.

“And when you do, call me.”

Then I gave him a small wink.

A few days later, I received a text.

“Ms. Lee, my documents are ready. Please help me get married!”

I smiled when I read it.

I wrote back,

“Good. Now we begin.”

What stayed with me from that consultation was not his career, his education, or the impressive life he had built.

It was something else.

Behind all of it, I had seen someone almost boyish.

Sincere.

A little vulnerable.

Someone who, beneath all his confidence and success, simply wanted to find the right person.

You would never know that from a profile.

That evening, after my final consultation, I stepped outside and realized how late it had become.

New York was glowing.

The smell of roasted nuts drifted through the street, and I bought a small bag from a cart before heading back toward my hotel.

I pulled my suitcase behind me, leaving the bright lights of Times Square in the distance.

For a moment, I looked up at the sky.

Is this New York or Los Angeles?

Sometimes, after going back and forth so many times, even I have to remind myself where I am.

But I know I will keep coming back.

Because some things can only be seen when you sit across from someone.

Some stories can only be heard when someone feels comfortable enough to tell them.

And sometimes, a life changes because someone gently says,

Just meet them once.

Sometimes, that is all it takes.

A little encouragement.

A little faith.

And maybe,

a wink.